• The Blotter – May 2018

    Author : The Blanch Law Firm May 29, 2018

    Here is another edition of the blotter, where we round up the most unusual or stupid crimes that we can find around the world.

    Let’s start with Florida first (of course!). Society demands perfection and beauty, especially in women. A 61-year-old woman in Bradenton, Florida capitalized on these pressures and began running an illegal Botox injection operation from her own home, without a license. She used counterfeit Botox on around 100 patients from the spare bedroom in her home. Police say she had indicated to ‘patients’ that she was licensed to do this – and one of her patients paid her over $30,000.00 for the treatments over the years.

    In Tennessee, one woman claims she was sexually assaulted by… a doll. Isabelle Lassiter went out to eat with her family at a Japanese steakhouse restaurant. The chef presented a small plastic doll of a little boy and pulled down his pants. Water streamed from a hole where the doll's genitals would be – if it had any – and hit Ms. Lassiter in the face. Normally, the chefs use the doll to control flames on the hibachi, and kids love it. Ms. Lassiter is reported as saying, "It really didn't have a wiener, but you got the point."

    Over in Connecticut, a burglar apparently became overwhelmed by the task at hand and decided to take a quick snooze in the home he broke into. The homeowner was not in the home at the time but had seen the 27-year-old suspect sleeping on her sofa on the home security system. Maybe he just needed a place to nap?

    In Ohio, someone took stalking to a whole new level when a man called the police on a pig who would not stop following him home early one Saturday morning. Assuming the man was drunk or high on drugs, the police were surprised to find a stone-cold sober man being followed by an actual pig on the street. The pig was loaded into the police car, at which point comics around the world rejoiced at the irony of a pig being present in a police car.

    It can be tempting not to use those motorized shopping carts as your own personal joyride – but one couple in – you guessed it- Florida decided to give in to the temptation. Jeffrey Robert Sabriel and Santa Marie Walters stole a motorized shopping cart from Walmart and headed west. Police responded to the call, and eventually found the cart outside Jimmy's Sports Bar in Largo. They just needed a lift to the local bar, that's all!

    Breaking up is hard to do – so why not just lie about it? A Virginia man was reported missing and then found later on the side of the road. He reported to police that a motorcycle gang had kidnapped him, and he had been drugged and held against his will. Turns out that he was lying to police and the FBI so he could disappear and start all over again – with his younger mistress. So now, not only is his wife STILL mad at him but he’s facing pretty steep fines and jail time for lying to federal officials.